Posts

Family and Separation

 Today in my PTSD workbook I had a lesson on what you know about your family. I thought for a moment and realized I know almost nothing about my parents and grandparents. It's a really sad thought, I feel like I should have asked more questions. The saddest thought about this is I really didn't have my grandparents in my life from 8th grade to my 19th birthday. I guess even then it was small encounters at best. Then when I was married my husband at the time refused to let me go see them. I really feel like I was robbed of that precious time with them. When it comes to my parents I didn't want much of a relationship. My dad was extremely abusive in every sense of the word. I remember the countless times I watched him beat my mom till she was unconscious.  My mom was abusive too physically, mentally and emotionally. She has hated me since birth, left me to die in a crib and never served time for it. She was constantly telling me I was fat and putting me on ridiculous diets an...
Post a Comment
Read more

Conflict and Healing

 Today I was going through childhood stuff in my workbook. It brought up a lot of points to think on. How I was treated, cared for, how I was taught to deal with my emotions and so on. I've always had issues with expressing and labeling my feelings and couldn't understand why. One of those would be when my emotions are high I tend to shut myself away in my house, window curtians closed and shutting out people. I never understood why I did this till now.  when my mom or dad were angry at me as a kid they yelled at me, called me names, and also assaulted me. When it was over I would go to my room and hid. Sometimes it was so severe I remember hiding under my bed for hours trying to recover. Now if I have conflict or my emotions overwhelm me I hide in my house and avoid any sense of conflict. It's that thought if I keep everyone happy and avoid the hard stuff I will be safe from anger and conflict. As I have found though, it just surprises emotions and over time can affect the...
Post a Comment
Read more

Steps to Progressing

 Today I finished a workbook on PTSD. It took me months to do as I was not trying to overwhelm myself with memories and such. The book is called "The PTSD workbook -third edition." the book walks you through what PTSD is, the symptoms, your feelings and so much more. I did it during my prayer time with God because I know I couldn't do this book alone. I discussed certain topics I came across with my counselor. I feel like it helped me to better categorize mentally things I just couldn't see to process.  Walking through the book was like taking a step off the path I had worn in my mind. I think we all get stuck in our own negative experiences and/or trauma sometimes. I felt that if I was to conquer some areas in my life I would have to think outside that path and take a walk in the woods. Some sections were good and helped me see things I hadn't before and others brought up hard things and memories. this is why I walked through it with God and my counselor.  finish...
Post a Comment
Read more

Introduction

Hi my name is Casie and I am a victim of abuse, and a survivor of it as well. I have created this page to tell my story and how I'm healing from it. I was diagnosed in my 20's with PTSD and more recently Complex PTSD or CPTSD. I have experienced sexual, mental, emotional, and physical abuse as far back as I can remember. I look over my life and the memories to work through seem daunting, but I am doing it.  The frustrating part is that healing takes time. You will have days where you conquer mountains and days you need to take a break because the weight of it is too much. There are some days you absolutely need self care after a session or to do something positive for yourself to kinda soothe the area of pain you have opened.  I had suppressed as much of my life traumas as I could, but like holding a beach ball super water at some point it will resurface, and do so with force. I remember as a kid having angery outburst at teachers and friends. I often wanted nothing to do...
Post a Comment
Read more