Family and Separation

 Today in my PTSD workbook I had a lesson on what you know about your family. I thought for a moment and realized I know almost nothing about my parents and grandparents. It's a really sad thought, I feel like I should have asked more questions. The saddest thought about this is I really didn't have my grandparents in my life from 8th grade to my 19th birthday. I guess even then it was small encounters at best. Then when I was married my husband at the time refused to let me go see them. I really feel like I was robbed of that precious time with them.

When it comes to my parents I didn't want much of a relationship. My dad was extremely abusive in every sense of the word. I remember the countless times I watched him beat my mom till she was unconscious.  My mom was abusive too physically, mentally and emotionally. She has hated me since birth, left me to die in a crib and never served time for it. She was constantly telling me I was fat and putting me on ridiculous diets and diet pills in the 4th grade till I was removed in 8th grade. Both of my parents were so fixated on themselves that my needs and my younger brothers need meant nothing. Like when my brother was 12 yrs old my dad left him by himself and went to Arizona and never came back, all for a girlfriend.

I know I can't go back and retrieve what was lost but I can make sure my kids don't have to wonder who I was before they were born or any other history after.  So my way to resolve this is to write things down and to take pictures so they have memories to fall back on. I realize today Just how important that is for my kids and the generations that follow. I plan to never leave them wondering about anything, if possible.

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